There are few TV shows that I watch religiously every week and the one I always tune in to is the dashing Nathan Fillion in ABC's Castle. Even though the series has a too familiar plot cadence by now, I can't help falling in love with the bad jokes and serious life lessons. This week I was inspired by Beckett and Ryan and their resistance and fear to having kids. There is so much unknown and yet every action and decision affects a little life form! How do you know you are ready? Are you ever ready for those big life steps? Turning 40, taking a new job, getting married, or buying a house... these designated milestones are scary!

  1. Just do it
    • This Nike slogan is the way I deal with many difficult decisions. Take a deep breath, say "yes" and don't look back. Once you take the leap, you immediately stop worrying about "what if" and start dealing with the consequences instead! Then when you look back on the adventure, you feel proud of what you've accomplished.
  2. Say no
    • Maybe it is not for you. A "no" can be just as permanent an answer as any if you stick to it. It is strange that when you say "no", you are often met with a "why not?" and a "yes" answer is rarely questioned. Don't back down and be swayed. Stay true to yourself and know why you said the first answer. It will allow you to say "yes" to many other wonderful things instead!
  3. Don't avoid it
    • Whatever it is, make a conscious choice. Don't default out of it because even doing nothing is a decision that has implications. Make a pro and con list, consult friends and family, go with your gut feeling - all of these techniques can help you get off the fence and give a final answer.
Yes or no. Sometimes it is that simple. Breaking it down to a "will you, won't you" should make things easier. Share a time that you faced a huge step that you initially balked at and then moved on!
Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead
by: Sheryl Sandberg


Honestly, I didn't read this book right away because I am already an active feminist. My passion for teaching girl students about STEM, increasing the number of women in technical careers, and supporting women for executive roles is something that I fully advocate for frequently. I know most of the staggering statistics and feel that sharing them with others is important. This is why I love Sheryl Sandberg and what she speaks for. I first heard her at the Grace Hopper Conference and would highly recommend her book if you haven't gotten on board with the lean in movement yet. Hopefully as a man or woman, at home or at the office, it will help you realize what society can gain from challenging the societal gender norms.
  1. Bibliography
    • Even though Sandberg is really only half way through her career, she felt her life story was worth sharing. I love the personal experiences that she shared about meeting the Speaker of the House, making lunches for her kids, and just dealing with her rising fame. It humanizes her to a level that you understand, can sympathize with, and learn from.
  2. Men and Women
    • The hard truth is that women are different from men but we both have our natural strengths. Helping each other and utilizing these gender strengths will get any organization, family, or relationship to grow faster and further then it could on its own. Its been proven. So men, do the dishes and women, sit at the table and stretch yourself to be more.
  3. Solutions
    • You can't do it all. When you are willing to admit to yourself that, then you can make conscious choices and prioritize the things that matter. It is going to be different for everyone so you can't compare your life to theirs. Relax and do your best and be satisfied with your best.
I wrote a post summarizing her keynote back in 2011 and I thought it was worth adding below. These five snippets of advice sum up her book well.
  1. Believe in yourself
    • Women underestimate themselves whereas men overestimate. Women should believe they are the cause of their accomplishments. Quit giving all the credit to your peers – you are awesome.
    • Lean forward. Example: when speakers only take 2 more questions, women’s hands go down after 2 questions, men’s don’t.
  2. Dream big
    • Stereotypes can become true. More women in CS is a reciprocating problem that is cause and effect for more women in CS so dream to make a difference.
  3. Find a life partner
    • This decision is the most important decision of your career. Statistically, women take on more responsibility at home and for kids than men. Consider same sex marriage to equalize the accountability?
  4. Don’t leave before you leave
    • Little decisions that you make in preparation of big decisions later in life mean you've already made those big decisions. You’re not going to go to work and leave the kids at home if you don’t feel valued and that value is usually determined before you have kids. 
  5. Start talking about this
    • Women strive for balance and don’t want to take on new things until they’re ready and feel comfortable. Don’t wait, lean forward and take chances now.
Usually when you are trying to achieve perfection it is an endless road. You keep adding, you keep reading, you keep editing. If you are trying to produce results then it is not a good habit to get into because you will finish nothing. Striving for perfection however, does help you realize some particulars in how you work. Take a step back and assess WHY you are still working on that one piece of work.
  1. Identify your passions
    • If you spend 42 hours on writing an article and then only 8 hours organizing the newsletter format to meet the publication deadline, it might be a sign. You must love to write and despise the other stuff. Hopefully someone other than you notices your talents, but regardless it will let you know that you probably shouldn't accept that raise to become "Editor in Chief" because you will hate it!
  2. Are you putting off other things?
    • Perfection is a form of procrastination. If you are spending too much time on one thing that actually doesn't need that much attention, there might be another reason for your needless editing. Are you regretting starting another task? This might mean that you need to find a way to time yourself and create a new routine so you can check everything off your list. Start doing the hard and not-fun task first!
  3. Ask for advice
    • Sometimes the only reason you keep working at something is to impress someone. If you don't want to disappoint a boss, you might do more research than needed. This isn't always bad, but you may simply be afraid of not producing work at 110%. The problem is that you don't know what 110% is for your boss so it might be better to take a break and ask them to evaluate your progress for you. You might be surprised!
I've done this with emails to external clients before. I second guess myself, rewrite it, reread it, and rewrite it again. No spelling errors. No repeat ideas. No missing links. For me, I had to brush off the fear of rejection and just send it! And, instead of anger I got praise from a few readers. What a great feeling! What have you don't that you've gotten stuck on? What did you do to get past it?
I enjoy a good movie, but usually from the comfort of my couch at home, not a movie theatre. At home there is a dog, a beer, and slippers that will make even C-rated movies watchable. So the fact that I even went to a theatre to watch this movie is a feat. I have read the books by Orson Scott Card and loved the SciFi story, and am happy to report that the movie was good too. Like any good movie, you can't help getting sucked into the emotional turmoil that Ender feels at the end. It got me thinking about when I've felt like that and what could better the situation. In business, we don't always know the answers or have all of the information, so how can we deal with that? Here's some thoughts:
  1. Know what you can and cannot change
    • The best advice in business is to "know what you don't know". Know when to sit back, know when to speak up, and know the difference between the two. For me, I get frustrated when I know that I don't have all the facts but I have to relax a bit and do the best with what I have and still drive to deliver results. You are only one piece of the puzzle but you can do a lot with that one piece.
  2. Trust your teammates to make the best choices
    • It is tough sometimes to hand over the reigns. Whether a manager or a new hire, if someone else is responsible for summing up a team's work, you have to feel comfortable that they can do a good job. Respect is not something to expect with a position or title but instead should be something you work with your team to earn. By proving your abilities in small projects, when you get in a tough spot your followers will stand behind you because you stood up for them previously.
  3. Accept the hard truth
    • The Dodo bird is extinct. The Lehman Brothers went bankrupt. Yes, you did eat that cookie at lunch when you shouldn't have. By not living in denial, you can systematically look at the situation, the outcome, and move on. Take the lessons learned and look forward rather than trying to redo the past, blame someone else, or attempt to reason your way through your mistakes.
What were your thoughts on the movie? On the book? Have you ever found yourself surprised and faced with a hard reality at work or at home and what did you do about it? Tell me your story!

About Me



So if you want to be happy at work like I am, then thanks for being a reader! I am a consultant that travels constantly and is always working with new people. I love what I do! I'm formally trained with an MBA and BS Engineering. At home and in my free time, I like to drink beer, travel, garden, read, hike with my dog, and play board games.

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